


Belated, But Worth The Wait

by cariad_scribe



Series: Locked-down [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Multi, basically me purging lockdown feels in a fic, but they're also in denial, liv and rafa are in love, this is a lockdown series, won't be canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cariad_scribe/pseuds/cariad_scribe
Summary: Rafael finally manages to take Liv out for that dinner, after a long time apart. But that's only the beginning.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Series: Locked-down [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168718
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	Belated, But Worth The Wait

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically the first fic in a series I have planned, imagining a world where the Benson family and Barba are forced to see through lockdown together. It won't be canon compliant (obviously) & being in the UK means I'm about 2 series behind, so forgive me if anything isn't quite right about stuff post-s20.

Olivia Benson had never liked the first month of the year. It was always bitterly cold in New York, with snow piled up on the roads and sidewalks, slowly melting down into a gritty sludge that was guaranteed to make you slip if you weren’t paying complete attention. Then there was the complete lack of anything exciting to look forward to, except the expenses of the holidays and maybe Valentine’s Day, but she had never much enjoyed that day even when she was in a relationship.

And then there was that one particular day in January, on the steps of the courthouse, that had cemented her hatred of this time of year.

When Rafael Barba had given his speech about colours and kissed her tenderly on the forehead, she had been terrified that when she watched him walk away, he was walking out her life forever. And why not? He wouldn’t have been the first to do so- the next in a long line of people she had cared for that inexplicably needed to put significant distance between themselves and her. And even though she wanted nothing more than to run after him and stop him from going, there was also something stopping _her;_ shock, grief, an underlying worry that whatever she said wouldn’t make a difference. In the end it didn’t matter.

She didn’t hear from him for nearly two months. It hurt, the silence. More than she was able to adequately express at that moment in time, but he was hurt too and the last thing she wanted to do was interrupt whatever process he was going through- no matter how much she wanted to make sure he was ok.

Then, one crisp sunny morning at the beginning of March, she had come into her office to find flowers on her desk. Pink tulips, orange roses and eucalyptus arranged perfectly in a vase, with a note-card tucked against the petals. In another life, she would have been suspicious of the unexpected gift waiting for her at work. But somehow, without even looking yet, she knew not to be.

_Happy belated Birthday,_

_Sorry it took me so long._

_Rafael x_

Olivia felt her heart flutter- with relief that he was ok enough to get back in touch, with affection that he was still thinking of her. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, which she hurriedly wiped away before any of her colleagues saw. She picked the vase up and carefully set it down on the window sill behind her desk, sat down in her chair and took a few more moments to look at them. She then pulled out her phone, opened up the conversation she had been too scared to add anything new to since January, and fired off a quick message;

_Belated, yes, but worth the wait._

It only took him a few minutes to respond.

_I’m glad. You deserve something pretty._

~~~~

They spoke often after that. Not as much as they had when he was still working with her, because back then most of their conversations had been in person; over lunch in the afternoon, coffee in the morning, in her office, or in his. They were now navigating conversations mostly over text- she was still as busy as ever, and could only manage to reply to his messages in the few minutes she had to herself in-between managing the squad, dealing with paperwork and caring for Noah.

But after a while, usually after her son had gone to bed, Olivia found herself sitting on the couch in her living room, phone pressed against her ear as they talked to one another properly. She missed hearing his voice, especially his voice when he spoke to her. It was somehow different to the one he used with most other people. If she was really lucky, some evenings he would suggest a video call, and she’d get to see his face.

~~~~

**_“I’m back after the primary. Dinner?”_ **

**_“I’d like that.”_ **

She’d had such an awful couple of weeks- further evidence for January being the worst of all the months. She had been sitting in her office, trying to gather the energy to leave work for the evening when Rafael had called her. They hadn’t video chatted at work before (she wondered if he was still wary of being seen face to face by the rest of the squad) but almost everyone had gone home and she was so pleased to see him she hadn’t thought twice about accepting the call. At first she’d steered the conversation to his life; in Iowa of all places, working in election fraud. He’d spoken plainly about it- she knew it wasn’t exactly the life-fulfilling work he had been doing with the DA’s office, but it was keeping his brain occupied, which was something. And he’d grown a beard, which she had been surprised to find she liked. _A lot_.

Dinner couldn’t come quick enough. Making plans with him, however vague they might be currently, had made her feel lighter than she had in weeks. She couldn’t get over the way his face had scrunched up with pleasure when he explained he wanted to be the first to wish her a happy birthday. (Perhaps he was still feeling guilty about missing it that one time). When she finally got home that night, Noah had still been awake and she had hugged him so fiercely and giddily that he squealed at her to put him down.

“What’s the matter Mommy?”

She debated telling him, but then thought that the surprise of a visit from Uncle Rafa, whom the boy had missed deeply, would be too sweet to miss.

“Nothing, honey. I’m just happy to see you is all.”

~~~~

Olivia stood outside the restaurant she’d met Rafael at earlier that evening, enjoying the cool breeze on her face, as she waited for him to return from the bathroom. He’d come back from Iowa earlier than planned, which meant that dinner had turned out to be a Hail Mary booking in a bistro not far from her apartment. Forlini’s was out of the question; too many people who might recognize him and he still wasn’t quite ready for those conversations yet. Rafael had explained that his initial plans had been to take her somewhere slightly fancier, maybe even the kind of place that had a piano player and a separate wine list. She’d rolled her eyes and smiled- she didn’t really care where they ate, as long as they were eating together. He accused her of becoming a sap in his absence; she fixed him with a glare before the two broke out into smiles and gave their orders to the waiter.

“Do you want to split an Uber? Or get a drink somewhere?” he asked her as he stepped out of the restaurant and came to join her at the curb.

“It’s a nice night, why don’t we walk? You can have a drink at my place if you like?”

Nodding, Rafael fell into step with her as they made the slow return to her apartment. The sun had set whilst they’d been inside, but it wasn’t yet completely dark and the coldness of winter was beginning to give way to the gentle warmth of spring. The two of them walked in close contact, the sleeves of their coats brushing against one another like they once did before. Olivia felt something click back into place as they weaved their way down the streets of New York, like a piece of her was being returned.

As they got to the door of her building, Olivia turned to him and explained;

“Fair warning, I didn’t tell Noah you were coming back yet.” He quirked an eyebrow as he followed her inside and pressed the elevator button. “I wanted it to be a surprise, so you might get jumped as soon as you walk through the door.”

“I’ll prepare myself.”

The second-hand excitement of Noah finally seeing Rafael after so long was rubbing off on Olivia as they made their way up to her floor. She had to school her features into something less giddy as she unlocked her front door, turning to Rafael and putting her finger to her lips, signalling to him to wait just inside the door as she stepped further in.

“I’m home!”

“Hi Mama!” Noah exclaimed, sticking his head up from the sofa where he and Lucy sat with a colouring book. “Did you have a nice time?”

Olivia stepped closer to her son, pulling her scarf away from her neck.

“I did. Actually I brought something back with me for you.” Noah perked up even further, setting down his crayons next to his nanny- the possibility of a present too enticing to miss.

“What is it?”

Olivia gestured for Rafael to move into the room properly, smiling at him. Slowly, the lawyer stepped closer, waving at the little boy.

“Uncle Rafa?”

“Hey, _amigo_.”

Noah’s face was screwed up in confusion, glancing from Rafael to his mother with a frown. It wasn’t exactly the elated response Olivia had expected from her son, and she suddenly felt warm with guilt about getting Rafael’s hopes up for an excitable reunion.

“What’s Uncle Rafa doing here?” the little boy asked, stood in the middle of the room in his pyjamas. From the sofa, Lucy watched the awkward exchange with slight embarrassment.

“I went to have dinner with him, and now he’s come here to see you.” Olivia explained, unsure as to why Noah seemed less than pleased with this development. “Isn’t that great, he’s back in New York!”

“But…,” Noah trailed off, furrowed brows still firmly in place.

“Come say hello.” Olivia continued, trying to power through the uncomfortable scenario by putting as positive a face on as she could.

“But you left,” Noah turned to Rafael, frowning at him even further. “You went away and you didn’t come back for so long.”

“Noah, come on,” Olivia said, stepping forward to reach him, but he shrugged her off.

“Why are you back?” Noah questioned, surprising Rafael with the level of anger in his little voice. “What do you want?”

“ _Noah_ ,” both his mother and his nanny chastised, also caught unawares by his response to the whole situation.

“I don’t understand!” Noah exclaimed, stomping his foot on the floor in a temper that Rafael had yet to see from the boy before.

“Noah Porter Benson, do not raise your voice at me.” Olivia warned. Her son didn’t stay to hear any further reprimands, choosing instead to whip round the sofa and run into his room down the hall. Olivia turned to Rafael and shook her head.

“Rafael, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s come over him.”

“It’s alright-,”

“He missed you so much, I don’t know why he would-,”

“Liv, it’s ok.” Rafael closed the distance between them, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. He hadn’t even had a chance to take his coat off. “He’s only seven. This must be weird for him.”

“He was fine most of the day,” Lucy explained, tidying up the colouring books and crayons. Olivia knew the girl liked to be useful in a crisis. “But he had P.E. in school, so he’s probably a little overtired.”

“Thank you Lucy, don’t worry about all that. You go home.” Olivia told the younger woman, stepping away from Rafael to go into the kitchen.

“You sure?”

Olivia nodded and the nanny relented. Olivia rustled around in the kitchen cupboards for two glasses and something to put in them, whilst Lucy gathered up her coat and bag. Rafael took it upon himself to show her out.

“It’s good to see you again Mr Barba.” Lucy told him as she zipped her coat up. “I hope everything’s good with you?”

“Can’t complain,” Rafael answered simply, not wanting to bore the girl with his personal life. “It’s good to see you too.”

Lucy smiled at him genuinely, stepped out into the hallway. “Noah’ll come round.” she whispered. “He’s been through a lot of change recently. But he _has_ missed you. They both have.”

Rafael threw her a grateful expression, before bidding her goodnight and shutting the door. When he found Olivia again, she was stood behind the breakfast bar in the kitchen, holding tight to a glass of wine and running a hand through her hair.

“I don’t know what to do with him, Rafael.” she started. “He’s snapping at me, refusing to eat foods he used to like. Some days he’s the sweet boy I used to be able to carry around and others…”

The lawyer shrugged off his coat and laid it on the back of a chair and came to stand close, taking up his own glass of wine.

“Liv, I’m not the best person to go to for parenting advice. But I think you might be being a little hard on yourself.”

“I made a big deal about how excited he would be to see you and then that happens-,”

“I’m not offended, I promise.” Rafael told her, though she wasn’t sure she entirely believed him. “I’ve had worse things said to me, believe me.”

Olivia sighed, setting down her wine glass and rubbing her face.

“I’ll go and talk to him.”

“No,” Rafael interrupted, placing a hand on top of hers. “Is it ok if I try first? It is me he seems to be angry with after all.”

“You don’t have to-,”

“Yeah, yeah I do.” Rafael patted her hand, put down his glass and made his way towards Noah’s room.

~~~~

The door was closed, so he knocked, but the boy didn’t answer. Pushing the door open slowly, Rafael saw Noah curled up on his bed, Eddie the elephant stuffed in the crook of his neck as he attempted to complete a Rubik's cube.

“Noah? Is it alright if I come in?” The little boy shrugged, which Rafael assumed was the closest he was going to get to a yes, so he stepped inside and left the door ajar. “Hey, a Rubik's cube. Y’know I always wanted one of those when I was a kid.”

“Uncle Sonny got it me for Christmas. I haven’t completed it yet.” Noah replied, still grumpy in his tone.

Hedging his bets, Rafael perched on the end of the bed. He had read the boy stories in here quite a few times before, and the room had changed little since he’d left New York.

“So, you wanna talk about what happened out there?” Noah dropped the toy down on the bed, chewing his lip. He shrugged again. “Y’know you can tell me anything right?”

There was a pause, where Rafael wasn’t quite sure if he was going to get shouted at again, but instead Noah’s voice came out quiet and timid;

“Why did you come back home?”

It wasn’t quite the question Rafael had expected.

“Did you not want me to?”

Noah shook his head furiously, sitting further up.

“I wanted you to come home ages ago! Momma said you had to work, but I don’t get it because you used to work here.” Noah exclaimed. “How come you had to work so far away, for so long?”

Rafael sighed softly- he’d been worried that Noah would ask that. He was a bright and curious boy; it would only be a matter of time before he needed to know what had happened.

“It’s… sort of a complicated story. But I did something and for a little while I was in trouble for it. And even when I wasn’t in trouble anymore, what happened… well it made me very upset, and I needed to take some time, to figure it all out.”

Noah held the elephant in his hands tightly, wringing the arms and legs of it with nervous energy.

“So you left.”

“I did.” Rafael watched the way the boy stared at his stuffed friend, feeling very low indeed that he had a hand in Noah’s sadness. “I’m really sorry Noah. I didn’t mean to be gone this long.”

“S’okay.” he shrugged again. “Lots of people leave. Like Tucker and Grandma Sheila. Peter left too.” _Peter? Peter Stone?_ Rafael wondered exactly what kind of relationship Noah had had with his replacement. “Momma said we were going to meet my Uncle Simon too, but he didn’t come. Momma was sad afterwards.”

Rafael cursed inwardly. The two of them deserved far more happiness than what they had been given. He scooted forward on the bed, so he could rest a hand on Noah’s arm.

“Hey, it’s ok.”

“I talked to my friend in school, he said when people leave they don’t come back. He said his daddy left one day and he only gets to see him at Christmas sometimes. His mommy says his daddy only ever calls when he wants something.” As he spoke, Noah’s voice got shakier and punctuated with sharp intakes of breath and then Rafael realized the boy was on the verge of tears. He quickly leaned forward to pull him into a hug, rubbing him softly on the back and whispering soothing phrases in Spanish whilst he calmed down.

After a few moments, Noah’s breathing began to even back out and Rafael felt confident enough to pull away and tip his face up to look at him properly.

“Listen to me. I’m not going anywhere, ok? I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll always be in New York all the time. But that doesn’t mean I’m not always going to be here for you.” Rafael stared at the boy, making sure he could see how serious he was. “I’m always here when you need me, you understand? For you and your mom.”

Noah nodded, launching himself back into the older man’s arms for another tight embrace. Rafael allowed himself the comfort of submitting to the affection, placing a hand on top of the boy’s curls.

A soft knock on the open door alerted Rafael and Noah to Olivia’s presence. She had been quietly listening for the last few moments, forcing herself not to cry as she watched her friend comfort her son.

“Can I come in?”

Noah lifted his head up from Rafael’s chest, and his bottom lip threatened to wobble again.

“I’m sorry for shouting Momma,” he told her. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh, it’s alright my love.” Olivia replied, kneeling down on the floor in front of the bed and stroking his hair away from his face. “I know.”

“I am happy to see Uncle Rafa, I promise!”

The adults chuckled at the little boy leaning forward towards them both so earnestly.

“I’m honoured.” Rafael quipped, patting him on the back.

“Why don’t we go and sit on the couch for a little while, and you can tell Uncle Rafa about your dance classes?” Olivia suggested, causing Noah’s eyes to light up.

“Ok! Can I show him my special shoes?”

“Course you can.”

~~~~

Noah had talked and talked; first about his dance lessons, then school, and then about more or less anything he could to keep Rafael sat next to him. When he couldn’t keep a sentence going without yawning midway, Olivia sent him off to brush his teeth and get into bed, with the promise that they could go to the park the next day.

Rafael said goodnight to him in the living room, and hung around in the kitchen whilst Olivia tucked him into bed. He refilled both of their wine glasses, found a small packet of pretzels near the fruit bowl and tore into them whilst Olivia continued to negotiate with the small boy about going to sleep.

He scrolled through the news app on his phone, checking up on both election campaigns, then getting distracted by the update on the virus currently sweeping through China- Wuhan had been put into some kind of lockdown in an attempt to stem the spread. There were some concerns about it reaching other countries, but Rafael didn’t have a chance to read further into it as Olivia’s voice interrupted;

“Still can’t help yourself, can you?”

He had a pretzel halfway to his mouth. Rather than feeling guilty about stealing her food, he popped it in and fixed her with a smirk.

“The beauty of having a friend with a kid; there’s always snacks lying around somewhere.”

She shook her head at him, reaching for her glass of wine.

“So… not to pressure you or anything, but how long are you going to be here for?”

Rafael tilted his head in thought, brushing the crumbs off his hands.

“Probably a week or two? My mother wants me to help her with some things at the school, and then drive her to the airport at the end of the month.” At Olivia’s questioning look, he explained. “Finally convinced her to take some time off work- she’s going to visit some relatives in Miami.”

“That sounds nice,” she smiled at him. “Obviously being a workaholic is a family trait.”

“It would seem so.”

The two of them stood in companionable silence for a moment, content to sip their wine and listen to the muffled sounds of the city outside. It was slightly reminiscent of the times before, pouring over paperwork and witness statements long into the night; anticipating each other’s sentences, sharing thoughts about this and that. She had spent months, years now, wishing desperately that they could go back and have more time, just the two of them, before it all went wrong. Now it seemed that time was being given back to her, if only in short bursts. Having him stand in her kitchen again- hell, just sharing the same air as him again- it was like a balm to her aching soul.

“I missed you, Rafa.” Olivia whispered, almost not wanting to admit it. When she looked up at him and found he was wearing that soft expression that made her heart twinge, she was glad she said it.

“I missed you too, Liv.”

Without thinking too much about it, she set down her wine glass, crossed the space between them and pulled him into a hug- tight enough to get her point across. She sighed with relief when he set down his glass as well and returned the embrace with equal affection.

**Author's Note:**

> Each part will be up as and when I've written them, so hopefully you all enjoy!


End file.
